Must do! Must do!

Are you obsessed with to-do lists? I am. I tell myself they are just a practical tool for keeping track of my many important activities and ambitions.

That is a lie.

My to-do lists are self-medication. A dopamine-boost. They provide an illusion of control of life, which is chaotic and unschedulable. They promise to regulate and organize the one thing no one controls: the future. My to-do lists are a coping mechanism and a drug.

Recently, I found a bunch of ancient to-do lists on an old laptop. Each of them written with the same urgency: must do. MUST do. MUST DO!

All were obsolete. Items on these lists were no longer relevant. Things had somehow been solved, had solved themselves or had just faded away. Something to think about.

So I changed something. I still write my lists, beautiful check boxes and nice fonts and all. Only now I call it "To Did". Not "To Do": To Did.

My To Did lists are now a declaration of faith; an aspiration instead of a nervous mandate.

You can't fix everything. You can't fix life. You can only try your very best. You allow fate to step in and you clean up the resulting mess when necessary.

Such is life.

Be kind to yourself. Have some faith.